Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
