How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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