Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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