i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
These tits shall not be calmed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
