Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
