if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
