Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
