i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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