Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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