and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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