Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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