listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
