Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
