i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize