Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
