Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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