he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i came on her dog
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
