just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
