Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
