not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
