Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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