Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
