hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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