we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
