Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
