Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
