Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
