I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
