would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
