No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i drank out of a bidet.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
