Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
