I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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