HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
