Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
