Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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