Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
