fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
