Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
