I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
