Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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