I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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