Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
