I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
