remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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