Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize