i think my tv is drunk
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
