Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
