Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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