how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
