come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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