No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
