help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
