i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
