Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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