if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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