Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
