Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
