I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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