Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
