why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
