Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
