The maid of honor just puked.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
