I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize