My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
