Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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