you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and she was petting her beer can
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
