somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
