did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
