Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
