I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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