Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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