I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
