Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
