6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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