alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
