You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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