As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
