he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
