the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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