Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
